Gay Flu

Don't take offence, I just can't resist puns sometimes. The title is in reference to Flu Camp (get it?) which I heard about only today - not surprising since I've only been in London for a matter of months - but I heard about it from two completely unrelated people in two absolutely different environments.

So what is it? Well I'll stick a link here, but if you just want my take on it, then as follows:

Hey You!

Yes, YOU!

You look cash-strapped, young, and willing to do more or less anything for a quick buck? How about if we told you that you could PLAY VIDEO GAMES all day and still be earning money, and nobody would tell you not to! You wouldn't even HAVE to play the games, its OPTIONAL! All you have to do is get sick for a couple of weeks! Easy as that!

So that's my understanding of it. Sort of. Actually I know a lot more than that cause I read the entire website meticulously, so here's an honest understanding of what they're asking and offering.

Its medical research into respiratory viruses, such as cold and flu. If you pass their health screening, you're invited to partake in their studies. Because of the nature of the viruses, all participants are quarantined, but not in the classing 90's big tent and radiation suit kind of way (well, actually, from what I've heard everyone who comes in is dressed like an astronaut, but that's understandable), more in the here's a studio living space fully equipped with WiFi, flatscreen TV, choice of video games consoles (and games) and DVDs, you also get three square meals a day (more on that in a second) and all you have to do is allow us to give you the flu. Oh and you could be compensated with up to £3,750.

Hold on a second what was that last bit? £3,750? For 10 - 14 days in what is essentially a man-den? And all I have to do is get the snuffles? Where do I sign up?! (Funny you should ask, just click the aforementioned link!)

And I did say I would expand more on the food thing, amusingly in the testimonials section of the website, this is the second one down:

Plenty of food, variety and good choices.JOSHUA, AGED 21, LONDON

This is number 4:

The food had wide variety and good quality. Staff made time more relaxed and fun – very kind and caring.ALICE, AGED 22, BRIGHTON

And a few comments later:

Best food so far on any study. Thanks for a very enjoyable and comfortable time. Will recommend to all my friends

MICHAEL, AGED 28, LONDON 

Who do they have cooking for them? I must taste these delicate dishes which seem to have amassed their own fame, rivalling the medical staff!

On a serious note, I've had the flu once before. I think it was last year. Honestly I was so utterly delirious for about 3 days I can't even remember when they happened. So having experienced how my body handles it, and being offered almost £4000 to go through that again, I would be absolutely overjoyed to make a contribution to science. Lets put this in perspective. £3,750 could pay my rent for 9 months*. And still leave me with change. It could pay my average tube travel for the next 5 years**. Hell I could actually live comfortably on that kind of money for the next four and a half months, including all my expenses. It is almost enough to be life-changing for someone in my situation.

So there's only one question left, really. Who's going to camp this year?

*Based on my rent payments of £410pcm.
**Based on the daily Oyster PayG Zone 1-3 Off-peak travel cap of £5.10.

Plays, Pantos and Petticoats

Don't get your hopes up. There are no petticoats. I just needed an alliterate triplet.

What there are is lots of stuff going on. First, a short play by Elliot C. Mason. Elliot, a published author, traveller and hater of almost everything (my words, not his) decided to write a play about love. How very cliché, you say? That love, in all of its delightful and pessimistic lights, has already been bled dry of verse? That no original ideas could possibly be voiced on the subject?

Well you're probably right, but come back to me when you've read all of those ideas and cannot possibly contemplate any more, so I can hit you for ruining your own imagination.

For All That Matters (the title of said play) is a story of lust, desire, and social stereotypes. It combines wisdom and poetry subtly but makes it garishly obvious that you should be paying attention to what you're viewing. Would I recommend seeing it? Absolutely. Is that opinion biased? Who cares, it's only on for one night. Unless the response is good enough to have a continued run, in which case you may be able to see it another time, but for certain if you do not come and see it this time we will not be offered any more chances. So if you want to see it later on, come see it on Friday and give yourself the opportunity to see it again. Go on, be a little bit selfish, nobody will hold it against you.

And after that, please dim the lights,

Strike up the drumroll,

File into your seats,

Hold tight.

The Muswell Hill Pantomime is here! coming soon! in January!

What do you mean you're not excited? I can see the child inside you screaming with delight! Come witness the tale of fair Dick Whit, and his trusted cat.. Dave? Michelle? No idea.. Let's just call it Cat. Gasp as Dick and Cat engage in perilous sword fights! Swoon as true love makes Dick all soft! Boo as the villain hatches evil plans! And sigh with relief when it's all over.

Rehearsals are going well, and by Jove I've actually managed to get there on time recently! There is hope after all! So if you're around the north London area (more north than that. A little further. Left a bit. Yep, that's the spot.) come the end of January, then be sure to drop in, give us a wave, and you may even get a laugh or two out of it. Tally, bally ho!

Star Wars VII: The Boredom Of The Damned

I promised you a blog about the Manchester Star Wars auditions, I present you with my experience at the Manchester Star Wars auditions:

Sam and I arrived in Manchester around 9 o'clock in the morning (I had not slept, aside from a brief nap on the train) and began our 10-minute walk to where we thought the auditions were being held. Unfortunately neither of us had thought to check for updates, and so when we reached the small church hall we'd been looking for, the only sign of auditions were papers plastered all over it pointing us to the Old Trafford cricket ground, an hour's walk away. We were about to call a taxi when a fellow auditionee spotted us and offered us a lift, saving us what would surely have been a small fortune in taxi fares.

As I gave directions we discussed what we thought the scene might be like. Sam pointed out that we would probably see the people before we saw the actual destination, and how right he was. As we pulled up to the ground a crowd emerged. We grew ever nearer, and the crowd morphed into a line, a sprawling python wrapping its way along the pavement and walls surrounding the sports ground. We swore. The line had to be half a mile long, and we were heading straight for the back of it. Our chauffeur decided that it wasn't worth his time, and dropped us off wishing us the best of luck.

Sam and I joined the queue, which had grown even in the time it had taken to traverse the length of it, and began our wait. Jovial and merry as we are known to be, we talked loudly and smiled broadly, until a thought struck me. I hadn't brought a headshot. The one thing the vague casting call had requested was missing from my person. Well fuck, this was all for nothing then. Sam suggested I could always try without one but I knew this would never work. Still, we were here for the experience, not to actually get a part, right? Why not, and with this in mind we began calling people we thought might also be in the city for the same reason as us. We quickly found that a group of friends were not only also in the same line as us, but very close to the front. We made the decision to join them, as controversial as that is. We split from the great mess that was the rear of the line, and jogged our way forwards. Soon enough we could see our fellow compadrés and rushed too them, panting and thanking them profusely for holding our place in the line, explaining that traffic had been terrible and hoping the people around them wouldn't notice or care. I still didn't have a headshot, but being with friends was worth the train journeys and the weather.

As they filed through the gate I waited outside, and went wondering round Trafford. There isn't much in Trafford. Scratch that, there's nothing in Trafford save for the sports stadiums and a shopping park. The park, however, had a KFC, so I was briefly content to sit in there and eat chicken. Boredom quickly set in again though, so I set off back to the site where I had left my comrades to wait it out in the cold. By the time I got back the once mighty python of a line was now barely a worm crawling its way towards the gate, and it wasn't long before any trace of a queue vanished all together.

I ate a couple of oranges. Eventually, and slowly, people I knew began to emerge. They hadn't been selected for an interview but the process had still taken hours, and it ended up being hours more before the few who had been interviewed were released. Altogether a nice, if uneventful day. Sam and I discussed business plans over yet more KFC before parting ways to get our respective trains home again.

And so that is the story of how I did not audition for Star Wars. Tune in next week when I fail to even apply for Guardians of the Galaxy!

Faster Than A Speeding Tube

Things have picked up a notch since last week. Impressed? I certainly am. Oh wait, I haven't told you anything yet. Ha! If you're already impressed then this is going to BLOW YOUR MIND. So here goes.

As you're aware by now, new job (passed my initial probation "with flying colours") flexible hours, actual drive to get up in the morning (since I don't have to work until 5 these days) means I've been going to auditions. And relatively speaking I've been to quite a few. Two over the weekend, one today (which I couldn't actually find, so discount that one), another tomorrow morning, one hopefully later in the week, on top of filming for Rock Band VS Vampires (which is still going wonderfully) and panto rehearsals (equally delightful). Haven't been cast in anything yet, but did get a lovely response from PixieMoo Productions saying that they liked me enough to keep me updated and work with me on future projects.

So, I've been in London for almost three months and so far proving that its possible to survive as an actor. Who's going to join me? ;)

Seriously though, the more people I can drag down here, the bigger house we can all get together and the cheaper it will be.

See you all soon!

PS. Next blog post topic: Star Wars auditions. A vlog with special guest appearance from Sam 'Glovebox Cuddlebum' Glover.

The New Job, Thor of Warcraft, and Stanley

In order of the title, I shall elaborate on the topics presented. Firstly, new job!

Yes, I have thrown off the shackles and cast my door-knocking days to the wind (who's increasing severity, combined with the rain and the cold, is one of the main reasons I left..) and started a job in a call centre. Sorry, not very dramatic, but it is indoors and I'm no longer asking for account details from anyone, just doing surveys. So if you've ever given your number out to anyone, or you've been to the bank recently, you may well be getting a call from me soon enough. So that's that news over with.

Now, the film event of the week, Thor: The Dark World. In this epic Asgard/Azeroth crossover Thor begins an internship at Blizzard, and is quickly assigned to a project to quell the surge in new Dark Elf users.. or something.. The reality is I won't say anything about Thor 2: Mists of Pandaria, because for me to give anything away would spoil your experience entirely. So I'm going to give you all the little taglines I came up with to entice instead:

Alan Taylor (Heard of him? No? But he's directed 6 episodes of Game of Thrones!) proves his feature directing worth. The film is in equal parts edge-of-seat tense and raucously funny. And when I say equal parts, I mean you could almost cut the film in half and split it into those two categories.

Everything you wanted to see more of in Thor is delivered in the new film, from Asgard to character development, it's all there.

3D is worth it. As are the Vue VIP seats.

Yes, that is Zachery Levi. No, he wasn't playing that character in the first film, but I think he takes over the role pretty well. And the Chuck-esque combat skills are evident.

And finally, Stanley. If you clicked that link without reading on, how very bold of you. If you haven't yet clicked it, then now is the time to do so! But only after you finish the blog, otherwise you'll be too distracted to finish. Follow my instructions carefully: Open the link; watch the three introductory videos (in order, they will auto-play so just unmute them); assuming you are intrigued (or even if you're not) click 'download demo'. The demo is free and gives you a brief insight into the game's subject matter and style. If, like me, you completed those instructions and can't wait to demand everyone gives you £1 for Christmas so you can afford it, then good. Add it to your Steam wishlist. And if you don't have Steam then please come out of that cave and into the real world. Enjoy!